I am in the flow of confident living now – but I used to be a mess – swinging from over to under confidence over and over again.
This is what I recommend to help you live confidently:
1.We are ever present with ourselves, and life is too short to dislike the person you are with 100% of the time.
Not failing means you aren’t trying or growing anymore. Confidence comes from failing, getting up again, failing some more until it starts to slowly get easier.
I try and learn a new skill every year. I remind myself of the unpleasant feelings of not finding things easy, of struggling. I also remind myself of the confidence that comes with finding each step a little easier every time I attempt it, of looking back and seeing how much progress I’ve made.
2. No one is as critical of yourself as you are. I remember modelling at fashion week (as a plus size model). I was round. I still am. I was hanging out with a lot of people who many would consider had the perfect body. These people were so critical of themselves and how they appeared. One woman said she almost didn’t leave the house because she had noticed her right eyebrow was slightly higher than the other. Even with her pointing it out, I couldn’t see it. What a waste of energy, obsessing with her weaknesses.
If I spend my time criticising my imperfections, I can’t spend that time enjoying the moment, finding happiness with others.
If I really hate an aspect about myself, I can change it. Or accept it. Those are my only choices. Moaning about it is not an option.
3. You are going to be affected by the people you hang out with. I am sorry to admit it took me a long time to work this one out. I invested an awful lot of my energy and lost much confidence by hanging out with two types of people – ones that eroded my confidence with criticism and abuse, and ones who eroded it with falsely building me up and putting me on a pedestal. Sometimes it was the same person doing both.
Spend time finding people who speak the truth, reality check you but love and accept you completely as you are right now. They are GOOD. Often, you’ll find they are confident in themselves too. They don’t need to tear you down, or overly build you up to feel better about themselves.
This is an ongoing process. If you’ve got a client who makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, who you sense judges you, then they are also not trusting you to do the work you do best. You will do both them and yourself a big favour by choosing to work with clients and businesses who are confident in you too.
4. You should do what you love. We should be motivated by enjoyment not punishment. Stop thinking of your eating plan, your fitness plan, and your work time, your meetings, your socialising as chores. Turn it around. Find the joy in the things you spend your life doing. Find the place in it that brings you happiness. And drop the things that don’t. Reclaim your life- it’s the only one you’ve got.
I’m operating from a place of loving myself today. I am practising kindness and compassion for myself.
How kind and compassionate and confident are you towards yourself?
I am Managing Director of IDENTIFY. I will help you get your confidence back – in yourself, your business and your team. I’m not about making you dependent on me – I’ll help you learn how to trust yourself and your team again and get those big dreams working for you again.
I’m a change coach. You’ll meet with me once or a few times a year – I’ll never molly coddle you or get you to depend on me. I know you can do it yourself. – you just need a little reminder of what you are capable of.
*This is an excerpt from a longer and more personal post from here